Those First Few Days...

Were wonderful and horrible at the same time. Drea wouldn't nurse; she got angry when milk didn't just come gushing out. She wouldn't sleep unless she was being held because she was hungry. So there was lots of screaming and her mommy and daddy got zero sleep that first night. I was still blissfully happy that she was here, and I enjoyed the visits from the friends and family that came to meet her.


The second day was still pretty rough. One good thing about it; I got to get up and get a shower. The pain from the C-section wasn't too terrible as long as I remembered to take the pain meds before they wore off. Brian went home for a shower and nap while my mom and sister in law stayed with us. My sister in law came back late at night to help out so I could get some sleep, but she ended up talking to Brian the whole time. I think they were unaware that they were keeping me awake. After Drea went 24 hours without really nursing (she kept pulling away and screaming or falling asleep) we started "cup feeding" her small amounts of formula to keep her from getting dehydrated, and I started pumping trying to get colostrum to mix in with the formula and attempt to build a supply.


On our last full day in the hospital a nurse suggested we send Drea to the nursery for a little while to get some sleep. They swaddled her up and took her away. It bothered me for her to be away, but we got two hours of sleep before she woke up hungry and they brought her back. The breast feeding issues continued (they never changed actually), but she was sleeping for two hours at a time without being held now that we were cup feeding her. We sent her to the nursery two more times; once we even got to sleep for four hours. I was nervous the whole time but I had to sleep. Brian went home on day two and three to feed the dog, take a shower, eat supper, and take a nap while my mom and other family members stayed with me and Drea. We got excellent care in the hospital, but by Friday we were ready to go home.

My brother Daniel met us at the house with my nieces and nephew. They hadn't been able to meet her yet due to a ban on visitors under 18 (due to the flu scare). I had worried that my youngest niece would be jealous because she is used to getting lots of attention from me, but she loved the baby and begged to hold her.
I was in a fog those first few weeks at home. We discovered that we had a fussy baby that suffered from colic and acid reflux. I had to give up the idea of exclusive breast feeding, and this meant that I was doing round the clock pumping instead. We were still having to feed her a good bit of formula in spite of all that pumping. She still wouldn't sleep more than an hour unless someone was holding her for several weeks. Between all of this and the pain meds I was on, the details are a little foggy to me now. I mainly remember being exhausted and terrified of SIDS or some other calamity. I thought for a couple of weeks there that I might end up needing medication for post partum depression, but I got better.

In spite of all of that there were moments of pure bliss. I wanted to put her down a little more often than she was willing, but there were many times I enjoyed holding and cuddling her. I loved studying her little face and hands, and I kept telling myself the bad stuff was going to get better. I would do it all over again for her, but I am glad I don't have to.