Thankful

I have been really emotional since Drea arrived. OK - so I've been really emotional since I first found out I was pregnant. I don't know if I will ever be back to "normal" again or if this is just my new normal. Just beware - this post is pretty sappy.

I have been thinking a lot about how I felt during this time last year, and I can't believe how fast the whole pregnancy and Drea's first five months have flown by.

During the first trimester of my pregnancy I felt more anxiety than I have ever experienced in my life. Even when you consider my current insomnia and anxiety about SIDS since she's been born, it was worse during those three months. I spent almost every minute of the day worrying that I would have another miscarriage. I wanted to be a mommy very badly, and for years I had wondered if I could for various reasons, so after the first miscarriage I was afraid that I really might not be able to. I heard about people that had several miscarriages before finally having a baby, and I just didn't think I'd be able to go through that.

But it all turned out OK, and I never could have foreseen what my life would be like one year later. I keep looking at her sweet little face and thinking that I just can't believe that this adorable little girl is mine! My heart melts every day when she smiles at me. There have been times I was absolutely exhausted and wondering how I was going to get through the day, and that smile always makes me say "No matter what else happens today that was worth it!". Sometimes I look at her when she's laughing, squealing, sleeping, studying something new, or when she's in the middle of eating with carrots or peas smeared all over her face and clothes, and I feel so happy that I start to cry.

I will never be a perfect mother. This isn't possible. There will be problems for all of us, and I'm sure I will make mistakes. But I can promise this one thing: I will never take her for granted, and I'll never stop being thankful that she's here.